Elegant Ignance

Oh, I had the crying part down pat. But the rest has been harder.

A few weeks ago, my friend Nicole (fake name) and I decided to let go of some grudges. Hers was against a guy who spread lies about her & told people that the two of them slept together. Mine was against an ex who really put me through a lot of bullshit – lies, manipulation, stealing, etc. That was over a year ago & although I was no longer actively angry at her, I still got mad & annoyed whenever I thought of her.

But Nicole & I decided that it was time we stop rolling our eyes whenever these people showed up (to church, no less) or their names came up in conversation. So we built bridges over the bullshit & now we are crossing them.

I can’t say for sure, but I think her bridge is a little smoother than mine.

Previously, I didn’t spend too much time being angry because my ex (let’s just call her Ashley) was nearly non-existent in my life. I cut her out completely after we broke up, she wasn’t my friend on any online social networks, she almost never came to my church, & my friends didn’t talk about her much around me. But for some weird, I-know-God-has-a-twisted-sense-of-humor reason, she started popping up A LOT more as soon as I said I was ready to let go of all the animosity.

Suddenly, she was sitting in the same pew on Sunday & requesting my Facebook friendship, commenting on pictures & following me on Twitter. WAIT. Hold up, Jesus. I said I was gonna build a bridge & get over it, but I didn’t say I was going to do it in a week and I DEFINITELY didn’t say I was gonna do it online. But I put that sentiment – that forgiving, I’m-not-going-to-wish-you-dead-or-bald-anymore sentiment – into the universe, so could I really be angry when it turned right around & told me to act on it? Guess not.

Nicole & I started taking voice lessons from a friend, because our friend can seriously sing & we seriously cannot. We worked on matching pitch & singing from our diaphragms for over an hour last week, and last night at choir practice Nicole turned to me & said “Singing is a lot harder when you actually work at it.”

The same goes for forgiveness. I’m still working on building my forgiveness bridge & getting over my resentment. The sight of Ashley’s full name turns my stomach just a little less than it used to & my heart doesn’t drop when I see her picture, and I call this progress. I really don’t wish her any harm, but it was easier to not deal with my feelings at all.

I’ll let y’all know how it goes.

Yesterday, NBA star LeBron James announced that after seven years and zero championships, he would be leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers and joining the Miami Heat. James, who made polite comments about his former team, made it clear that he is interested in winning national titles while he is still able to play professional basketball. Shortly afterwards, bitter Cavalier fans burned James’ jersey and cursed his name while Cavs owner Dan Gilbert wrote the following:

Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his “decision” unlike anything ever “witnessed” in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE”

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that’s simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown “chosen one” sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And “who” we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called “curse” on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day….

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue….

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers

Before LeBron James announced his decision, I watched while every national major media outlet largely ignored the Oscar Grant murder trial and verdict. Grant’s murderer, BART officer Johannes Mehserle, was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter and faces a sentencing as light as probation and as strict as four years in prison. Grant, a black man who was on his way home early in the morning on New Year’s Day 2009, was shot in the back by Mehserle while laying face-down on a subway platform. Mehserle’s defense, that he mistook his gun for his taser, convinced the white jury that second degree murder was too harsh a charge.

Two black brothers with two very different stories, yet the underlying message of “white people own, operate, execute, and enforce this shit” could not be clearer. In the same country where video evidence of a white police officer murdering a black civilian can result in an involuntary manslaughter conviction, is it really any surprise that a white (basketball) owner feels so entitled to a player’s black body that he would resort to name calling and tantrums?

The days of literally owning our bodies are over, but the remnants of our time under white supremacy linger. Dan Gilbert’s bitchfit over losing his most prized possession, while excellent fodder for late night talk show hosts and bloggers, is nothing compared to the pain Grant’s family and our community experiences as we add another name to the ever-growing list of brothers and sisters slaughtered by those ordered to protect and serve. Malcolm X’s words are still new: “You don’t stick a knife in a man’s back nine inches and then pull it out six inches and say you’re making progress.”

Sometimes whitewashed parodies of “urban” songs are amazing. See: Candy Slice.

But sometimes (most times), they’re a mess. See: Liza Minelli, who isn’t even trying to be funny.

It sounds like one of those songs that youth pastors try to remix into church-friendly jams for the kids to perform to during revival. Liza, girl…You coulda kept this.

Yesterday, I received an e-mail from one of my followers on Twitter. She comes from a religious background, has a very religious family, and is attracted to women. She told me her story and asked me a series of questions: What should I do? How have things been for you since you came out? How did you get to the place where you could believe God didn’t want to send you to Hell? Are you 100% out wherever you go? Are you well-received at church?

The e-mail really made me take a step back & look at myself more closely. Primarily because I didn’t realize anyone was actually paying attention to me on Twitter, but also because I wanted to be careful in my response. I remembered being in her shoes & how much a Christian gay person (who didn’t hate herself) could have helped me back then. So I took a deep breath, waited several hours, then wrote this response:

First off, I just wanna say that I’m amazed & humbled that you would even come to me with something like this. I know that I usually tweet about nothing at all, so I’m glad someone is paying attention when I talk about things that actually matter.

I know what it’s like to have a super-religious family. I have been out since high school, but not to everyone. Only my friends knew at first, and over the years I’ve told more people (and been outed a fair number of times, too). I didn’t tell my mother until Thanksgiving 2008, although I’m sure she already knew or suspected. But my biggest fear would be that I’d lose her, and I didn’t. I was also NOT financially dependent on [my family] in any way, and I know that may be a concern of yours. I can’t tell you what to do, but if I were you I would probably wait until I was financially independent before coming out. Coming out is important, but not as important as having a roof over your head. And although I suspect that your mom will react like mine, I don’t know that for sure & I’d hate for something bad to happen to you.

It took several years for me to get to a place where I believe that God loves me regardless, and that was essentially because I could not understand why (and refused to believe that) God would create me only to send me to hell. I grew up with a totally “normal” childhood, in a two-parent home. My mother is a speech pathologist & my dad was a lawyer-turned-chemist, we were in church every single Sunday & Wednesday, I didn’t grow up around any gay people or even know what “gay” was, I was never molested or raped, nothing traumatic ever happened during my childhood…and I still turned out gay. None of the things that the right-wing talking heads say “causes” homosexuality happened to me…and I still turned out gay. I can’t explain everything the Bible says (I’d love to be able to read it in Hebrew & see what all was lost/changed in translation) but I know two things: 1) The Bible was written by man & 2) I believe in God & know that He loves me.

I’m not [her denomination of Christianity] (I grew up non-denominational, now I’m Church of Christ), but I definitely know about their attitude towards gay people. It’s the same as most other churches, including mine. I’m out at church because I just don’t care whether people know, and although I know most of the congregation would not approve, they still love & embrace me. I’m not the only out gay person at church (there’s one other lesbian, although she has a baby) and people treat her just fine. Which is how I think it oughta be. Jesus wouldn’t shun ANYONE who wants to come to church, and anyone who makes you feel unwelcome there is not “walking the walk”. It really blows my mind how homophobic the church can be, especially knowing they don’t treat other “sins” that way. There are so many unmarried people in my church who are having sex, or who have had children out of wedlock. What makes them more worthy of salvation than me? Nothing.

I know there will be people who take issue with me for saying “the Bible was written by man”. I know there will be people who will try to tell me how I’m wrong. I know there will be people who will to make me feel like I should be ashamed of who I am. I once heard a preacher say that he wished gay people would get back in the closet & that someone would break off the doorknob because there were entirely too many of “them” out here “flaunting” it. Yes, I’m flaunting it. I’m proud of who I am & glad that God made me. What’s not to flaunt?

My prayers go out to all the Christians (young & old) who are struggling to reconcile their religious beliefs with their sexuality. I can’t say that my way will work for you, but I hope that by sharing my story, you feel a little less alone.

Like most Oklahomans (maybe most Americans), I’ll never forget was I was doing on April 19th, 1995. I was 12 years old and sitting in Mrs. Chapman’s 7th grade algebra class. In all likelihood I was praying that she would assign homework from the even-numbered questions so that I could copy the answers from the back of the book. Mrs. Chapman was pregnant, probably around seven months along, and her husband was in Oklahoma City on business. (I grew up in Tulsa, about 90 miles away.)

Nobody could believe that a terrorist act happened in Oklahoma of all places. And for a short while, I remember thinking that even if a bomb had gone off, surely no one died, because things this bad just don’t happen here.

But 168 people did die, and as a class project we each wrote a “memorial letter” to one of the deceased. We got to choose our person, and I will never forget mine. Her name was Peachlyn Bradley, and she was at the Social Security office in the Murrah building with her grandmother and her baby brother, Gabreon, who was only three months old. All three died. Peachlyn’s mother and aunt were both in the building at the time, but lived. I have no idea what my letter said but it probably went a lot like this:

Dear Peachlyn,

It is so sad what happened to you especially because you were only three years old. And to your baby brother and grandmother. I have a little brother and a grandmother and I would be very sad if they died, but I am twelve instead of three. You were very pretty and our whole class prays for you and everyone else who died in Oklahoma City. I have been to Oklahoma City a lot of times but never saw anything bad happen.

Sincerely,

Crystal

I’d put money on that, actually. Raggedy but from the heart.

April 19th, 1995. 9:02 AM. I can’t say anything that hasn’t been said countless times before, but we remember and cherish you, and we will never forget.

I found the following advice post on another website I frequent & I really wonder if anyone else jumps to same conclusion I did…

My husband has a very close friend.  They’ve been best friends for nearly 20 years.  His best friend (I’ll call him Jeff ) lives in the same town as us and was in our wedding. A couple years back my father invited Jeff to join my husband and I for a family visit to our beach place without so much as a word with me.  It didn’t go so well.  Jeff got drunk, claimed that he “allowed” my husband to marry me and that I shouldn’t complain if I don’t get time alone with my husband because it’s completely at Jeff’s discretion.  Needless to say I hit the roof and took it out on my husband.  I literally had to fight to get any time alone with my husband while on vacation.

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A Milwaukee teacher cut off a first grader’s braid after she became frustrated because the student was playing with her hair.

Lamya Cammon has a bad habit of absentmindedly playing with her few dozen beautiful braids. The teacher became angry when Lamya continued to play with the hair after she was asked to stop.

The teacher then called Lamya to her desk and cut off one of her braids in front of her classmates.

Lamya went back to her desk and cried as the teacher threw the braid away and her classmates snickered.

Lamya claimed that she wasn’t playing with her braid that loud, and said that the teacher then asked her “Now what you gonna go home and say to your momma?”

Later, Lamya’s mother confronted the teacher, who apologized and said that she cut the braid off because she was frustrated.

Lamya has been moved to a different classroom, and the teacher remains though the Milwaukee Public School District is going through a disciplinary process.

The district spokesperson also apologized, but Lamya’s mother thinks that the teacher should be fired.

The district attorney’s office decided to issue the teacher a $175 ticket for disorderly conduct.

Let this had been my child, y’all, I’d be serving up some “Bitch you tried it!” all upside this teacher’s ass.  You just gon cut my baby’s hair? You know how many roots Imma have to rub into this child’s scalp to try to resuscitate that braid? It would be a cold day in Kardashian pussy before this bitch forgot my name.

Please get into this fresh hot ass served up by none other than Chris Brown. His pussy is sittin higher than Leyomi’s all while twanklin and glissenin across the stage. This is one way to win back fans…

The following celebrity-themed “follow Friday” recommendations are brought to you by JORiDior, creolepimp, LuvvieIG, Leci_83, OneOf_TheKids, harlem_nocturne, jaonyourmind, justNancyP, and me mahself. Enjoy our lack of good sense.

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Follow @mechanicaldummy cuz he ain’t hit a bitch in like six months, and personally, I call that growth.

Follow @maryjblige cuz in middle school you used to walk down the front steps and sing “I’m Going Down” to yourself.

Follow @rocsidiaz because your man probably is and you know how that ho get.

Follow @Adrienne_Bailon because she has to be good at SOMETHING. Tres leches cake probably.

Follow @JessicaSimpson cuz she still lookin for her dog…the one that them coyotes snatched up. And she needs some help ‘kay guys?

Follow @drakkardnoir, literally, because he’s gonna need you to help pick him up when that knee go out again.

Follow @CraigDavid cuz you called your voicemail “the answer phone” for six weeks after Fill Me In hit the charts.

#Follow @neyoshairline cuz his forehead can’t. Got lost at the fork in the road. *cues violins*

Don’t follow @perezhilton cause he STILL ain’t humbled himself down since he got the heterosexuality bitch-slapped outta him by Will.I.Am.

Follow @50cent #withisuglyass to see where that nigga goes after he kills me for fucking with him on Twitter.

Follow @DaRealerstTPain cause his dumb ass made a typo in his screen name and never fixed it. #coon

Follow @iamdiddy so you can tell us where he and the rest of the Filthy Foodstamp crew been hiding since Shyne got out.

Fllw @KhloeKardashian home. Cause the last n*gga that did, married her. (She’s the only Kardashian sis that is, so think about that b4 u h8)

Follow @neneleakes eye cause the other one doesn’t.

Follow @mslaurenlondon cause she found out what’s a goon to a goblin. Goblins can impregnate you.

Follow @songzyuuup cause he can’t hold his lip like that forever. Whatchu waitin on?

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Mattel is coming out with a new line of black Barbie dolls made to look more like actual black people. The dolls have thick lips, wide noses, kinkier hair, and ASS AND HIPS FOR DAYZZZZZ defined cheekbones. The dolls also come with a “little sister”, who looks so young that you might mistake her for the daughter. Single mamas where you at?!

Kara with Little Sister Janessa

Grace & Courtney (if this ain’t some AKA & Xinos shit right here…)

Trichelle (who has the body of Alicia Keys, whether intentional or not) & Kianna

I don’t hate it or love it, but I do think the dolls are prettier than the “regular” Barbies. Apparently you can also straighten their hair with a “spray of water” and accompanying hair styling tools, which every black girl knows ain’t rooted nowhere near the truth. But anyway! Don’t get me started!

Trichelle smilin with her eyes and shit. You betta werk bitch.